Who could trigger your insecurities, your shadow, your doubt, your wrath more than your mother or conversely your daughter?
The person that you nourished for nine months inside of your very own body….
The being of whose physical body you once found shelter, warmth and safety….
This person has direct access to your “trigger points” – those sensitive spaces in your emotional body and personal history that have not yet connected with the wholeness and perfection of all things.
Now, fathers and daughters have their very own way of relating (I was once and in many ways still am “Daddy’s Girl), however, I can’t imagine a relationship dynamic more complex than the one with whom you shared intimate physical space (such as nine months of gestation).
The Sandwich Generation
I’m both a mother and a daughter – my mother is in her mid-60s, my daughter newly a teenager. (I’m getting “IT” from both sides!)
Both have unique needs related to health, growth, maturity and the timeline of being embodied as a woman.
I’m in the middle – the meat or veggie substance of the sandwich – navigating through my herstory and unique needs at this moment in my timeline as a woman.
There is a lot of fullness in this position in the family.
I’ve experienced big leaps in relationship healing with my Mom and by extension with our entire matriarchal line reaching seven generations back and extending seven generations forward through my daughter.
I’m eager to share with you aspects of our story and some tools that have supported this growth and healing.
Please note that this topic is so ripe for discussion and has multiple layers of unfolding and perspective. I’ve decided to allow this sharing of insights to be a multi-part series. In this current article, we will specifically explore the relationship with The Mother. In each post, I will share specific tips, tools, affirmations and actions that have supported lineal healing in my family.
Back Story – Return to The Mother
My mother and I have a volatile past and unfortunately, memory can often focus on the negative.
My little girl self remembers being annoyed by how my mother brought her work home (i.e. I felt neglected and ignored).
My girl self felt greatly insecure by what appeared as constant criticism from my mother. This led to an attitude of “If I’m not going to get it right, why bother trying at all…”
I remember moving into a deep, internal world, keeping my thoughts and emotions to myself and deciding “I’m not going to be like Her.”
Ahhh the powerful innocence of youth.
There’s many layers to the story and it’s not necessary to get into them all now, however, suffice it to say that my little girl self didn’t trust the mother, didn’t feel safe with the mother (emotionally speaking), didn’t feel seen by the mother, etc, etc.
I say “the mother” because beyond my direct and innocent interpretations of life, I was experiencing an overall disconnection with The Mother archetype. This is a very old story that many of us are living through and that many say is the reason we as humans, have been so inconsiderate of Mother Earth.
What’s Your Back Story
Questions for YOU:
What are your memories of your time with your mother?
What decisions did you make at an early age about how you would be/behave in life (such as “I’m not going to be like her”).
In what ways do you/did you feel disconnected from your mother – your birth mom or the physical caretaker you had as a child?
In what ways do you/did you feel disconnected from The Mother – the essential energy of the Earth; the archetypal Mother that nourishes, protects and guides?
What positive qualities of your mom would you like to celebrate, embrace and integrate in your personality and life?
How can you sustain a healthy relationship with yourself as mother – the aspects of your self that nourishes, protects and guides?
Be Brave! Share your reflections in the comment area below.
Yoga is about union – uniting in our consciousness what seems to be opposite or polar (such as self … other, me …. you, masculine … feminine, past … future). There are many expression and practices that reflect yoga – meditation, dance, hatha yoga, tai chi, etc.
The above questions express aspects of yoga that relate to self-knowledge. This level of inquiry is an aspect of the yogic practice – Svadhyaya: self-study or examination. Through this aspect of practice, you become aware of past stories (your own, those coming from society, past generations and on and on), current frustrations and emotional triggers.
Awareness develops the strength to respond to emotional triggers and patterns with compassion. Perspective is developed and you envision more options for BEing. Resilience is nurtured and you become non-reactive. You see where you feel like a Victim and through continued self-study (and support from your community, therapists, coaches and overall support team) you become the Victor – no longer a slave to old, reactive patterns.
My mom and I are enjoying a Golden Age in our relationship. We are relating woman to woman. And through the passage of time and practices of presence, we are allies in creating a magnificent now and joyfully potent future for my daughter and those to come.
Where have you been and what are you creating?
In the comment area below share your reflections on the above.