posted by Jocelyn on Release & Fear, Self-Discovery, Uncategorized

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A few weeks ago there was an intense windstorm here in Big Sur. There was no rain involved, however, noisy 60 mile per hour winds had me wondering what the landscape would look like in the morning.

The cyclical crescendos of the wind(s) woke me at 3:30am where I noticed anxiety in my heart. It took awhile and several practices – some deep breathing, focused intention, a trip outdoors (the storm seemed benign while I was outside yet ominous while indoors), some emotional eating (I’m human), and a cuddle with my daughter (she woke up too) – before I found “peace” again and returned to slumber.

What was this about?
Why the sudden panic?
Why was it such a challenge to return to sleep?

Rewind:
Last March, on my birthday, I had a Mayan astrology reading for the year ahead. Vasumi, identified that this was The Year of the Storm and that I could expect many changes. This reading was in Bali where I was bathed in a fantastical, Technicolor experience. Everything was bright and breezy in the most comfortable way. I was teaching HoopYogini™ and Bhakti Boogie® at the Bali Spirit Festival and spending the rest of my time in the pool and dancing to great music with beautiful people. Life was luscious! At the time, I thought the upcoming changes would include a baby (a very luscious and enjoyable fantasy for me back then) and a successful business expansion with my then husband ~ things that I thought I wanted.

I had no idea what was in store for this past year…

Returning to the panic on that Big Sur stormy night:
Something about Bali flashed through my mind and in an instant covered the following territories – my March 10 – 16 Bhakti Boogie ~ Dance Meditation Retreat in Ubud, mystery, change, having enough, being enough. At that moment, feeling too tired to investigate, I let my attention return back to the flow of my breath.

A few days later I realized that there was no escaping this musing that popped out of “no where”, and yet through a metaphor that seems to be making play in my life ~ The Storm.

Into the present:
Here I am now, a day away from my third annual return to Bali. The Year of the Storm has significantly changed the holistic landscape of my life (I’m now divorced, have moved from a suburban city in Virginia to the majesty of the California coastline ~ all happy changes that naturally came with their own challenges). What will my life look like upon my return from Bali this time?

Visiting Bali, this amazing island and earth vortex, has proven to be “shit” disturbing, purifying, life affirming and life changing (in sometimes tough ways and ways that are always for the best).

What awaits I wonder?

I’ll keep you posted.

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The winds of change make their way through our lives. Occasionally they’re fierce and sometimes breezy, often steady and slightly imperceptible.

Vata is the yogic dosha representing “that which moves”. Vata is represented by the wind, air, gas (yes, the gaseous sounds that move through our bodies – the cracking of joints and those silly sounds that escape our bodies through the digestive system). It is a necessary element and quality in the alchemical blend that creates and sustains life.

What’s blowing around in your life? What’s keeping you up at night? What needs to be swept away? Let me know by sharing in the comment section below.

Tags: anxiety, bali, bali spirit festival, bhakti, bhakti boogie, big, big sur, breath, calendar, dance, dosha, fear, holistic, hoop dance, hoopyogini, intention, lifestyle, mayan, meditation, Michael Franti, purification, retreat, sleep, soulshine, storm, sur, Ubud, vasumi, vata, yoga, yogic